Sunday, 10 July 2016

I've Done Everything Wrong



With my baby turning two months old last week, I have found myself reflecting back on her little life so far. I’ve looked at the photos of her going from a straight-faced newborn to a smiling, kicking infant. I’ve remembered the labour experience and bringing her home from the hospital. I’ve even put away many of her outgrown clothes, tucking them in the closet and pulling out some new ones. But in the midst of all of my reflection, I’ve realized something that I haven’t always wanted to acknowledge. 

I’ve done almost everything wrong. 


I spent every night of the first week of her life with her sleeping on my chest out on the couch rather than tucking her into her bassinet. 

I’ve taken her outside, under the wind and sun, without always putting on a hat. 

At any given time if you came to my house, you would probably find a wrapped up dirty diaper or two sitting by her change pad just waiting to be thrown out. 

I’ve forgotten on several days to give her a drop of vitamin D, not to mention the fact that I didn’t even know she should be having vitamin D until she was three weeks old. 

I gave her a pacifier when she was just one week old despite everyone telling me to wait until she was six weeks because I couldn’t handle her constant need to suck. 

I’ve let her cry in the car until we get to our destination rather than pulling over immediately to soothe or feed her. 

I’ve unintentionally let her nails grow too long and only noticed when she had a scratch on her face. 

I rock and bounce this girl to sleep all the time. I don’t stand still, patting her back and shushing in her ear. I don’t put her down in her crib, stroking her arm. I bounce. A lot. 

I read books about raising babies and try to implement the suggestions for about five minutes - until she cries and I cave. 

When she was two weeks old she got heat rash, so at some point I let her overheat. 

She has only successfully napped in her crib once. 

I bring her into bed with me every morning to snuggle and sleep until she decides its time to get up. 

I’ve tried to pump with very little success for hours and almost felt annoyed when she slurped down the little milk I had bottled in about 30 seconds. 

I’ve let her stay in her pyjamas all day long once or twice. 

I’ve stayed in my pyjamas all day long once or twice. 

I’ve made Brandon get up with her in the middle of the night because I just couldn’t go one more minute without sleep. 

I’ve gone four days without giving her a bath because I just couldn’t bring myself to let her scream through another bath time so soon. 

I haven’t swaddled her since we left the hospital. 

Sometimes I forget to put vaseline on her bum when I change her. 

There have been times I’ve thought Kenzie might be an only child because I’m not sure I can go through the early days again. 

I have thrown out some of her onesies after an explosive poop simply because I didn’t wash the stain out right away. 

I’ve let her nap longer than she should because I just need another few minutes to myself. 

I’ve had to take her home wrapped in a blanket because I forgot to bring an extra change of clothes and she’s blown out of her diaper. 

Oh, the list could go on.

It’s true, I have done a lot of things wrong so far, and I’m sure I will do many more. But as much as I have done things wrong, I know that I have loved this girl completely and I have tried my absolute best. So, perhaps I have done a couple of things right. 

And maybe those are the only things that actually matter. 

4 comments:

  1. Great blog Emma....you're doing an awesome job with Kenzie! As long as she's happy and content, and knows her parents love her, and are doing their best...you're sung your jib perfectly. ☺❤

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  2. Great blog Emma....you're doing an awesome job with Kenzie! As long as she's happy and content, and knows her parents love her, and are doing their best...you're doing your job perfectly. ☺❤

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  4. Excellent post for ALL new Moms. Thank you Emma for being authentic.

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