Friday, 17 April 2015

With Open Hands

Do you ever find yourself waking up in the morning feeling restless?

With a list a mile long, I woke up, hoping the first thing I could get done would be a long overdue blog post. I pulled my computer into bed with me and started tapping away. I reached the halfway point, started skimming over what had emerged and held down the delete button. None of it sounded right, nothing was coming together.

I tweaked the topic and started over, finding myself frustrated with the emotion coming out in my words. A topical piece meant to be thought provoking was sounding sarcastic and on the offence  No, that wouldn’t do either. I pushed my computer away, climbed out of bed and glanced at my clock. Time wasted. Exactly what I did not want today.

I grabbed my camera while pulling an old hoodie over my head and tying my disheveled hair into a knot. I pushed myself into this beautiful day while calling over my shoulder that I was going for a walk. I needed to breathe. I needed space away from myself.

Sometimes it takes a physical change of location to feel inspired. No, I did not happen upon a life changing situation, I did not have the perfect light, and I got more than a few glances from cars passing by as it was evident I had just rolled out of bed.

What I did end up with was an experience of beauty, of change, of spring. It is visible in the buds on the trees, in the chirping of birds, in the warmth of the sun.

For the past couple of weeks I have found myself in a place of chasing purpose rather than resting in truth. It seems that I have ten different options for the summer months and yet the doors that I really want to open seem to be closing in my face. I feel like I need to do more, be more, make more and yet every time I try to figure it out, I wind my way around the same block, coming out with little to show for myself.

Perhaps I am becoming so consumed with trying to have it all figured out that I am missing out on the opportunity to give it all up. 

My posture is all wrong. I am desperately trying to grab onto anything that will produce purpose, fist tightening around job opportunities, dreams, and goals that somehow still manage to slip through my fingers.

I need to loosen my grip.

I need to open my hands and surrender. I need to let go. I need to settle in, take a deep breath, and trust that God has not brought me to a place in my life to watch me fail, to watch me become unsatisfied, to watch me be rejected.

His purpose is greater, His ways are higher.

Perhaps you are trying desperately to figure everything out. To make a plan and go after it. And yet, it feels like you are simply chasing the wind. Nothing is working out, nothing is coming together. I am right there with you.

We need more perspective, more beauty, more trust.

It is about letting God work divinely in your life, letting go of the lesser things, and trusting God for more. He has not brought you here to abandon you. He has brought you here to teach you, lead you, and allow you to grow.

And so, we must trust him even in the dim lighting. Even when we can't see the forest for the trees. It is a one day at a time process. But it is one that brings great reward. It is worth it. 

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all” (Proverbs 3:5-6, MSG).

No comments:

Post a Comment